D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Note: I've moved my blog to my own web site - the new address is:
www.nonaverage.net/insomanywords/
Comments can only be left at the new location.
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Tonight as Emily and I were picking up a half-baked-chicken/half-combination take-and-bake pizza for our romantic Valentine's Day dinner, our conversation turned into a discussion about a friend who used to attend our church a few years ago. She was in a marriage that really was just a shell, an appearance of a happy Christian married couple that was nothing more than that. She knew something was wrong with the marriage and even tried to get help from our pastors, but her husband didn't seem to see the need to really work at getting their relationship right and she didn't seem to be able or ready to end the marriage, so they just continued with the facade, partly for the benefit of their 20ish daughter and teen aged son. Recently we heard that the husband - late 40s - had moved out and is living with a 20-something girl who is a friend of the daughter. And our friend had gotten together with a guy we all know who has just come though a divorce. Because we know this divorced guy, I am concerned about her - she's a smart and funny lady and I've always enjoyed her company, but it seems to me that with this new relationship she has "gone from the frying pan into the fire". I also commented to Emily that our friend should have divorced her husband a while ago, back during the time when it became apparent that he wasn't going to work to save his marriage.
"Wait a minute", you say. "Aren't you a Christian? Don't you think divorce is a sin? Doesn't God hate divorce? If there was no adultery how can you tell someone that they should divorce?" Yes, I am a Christian. In fact, I am a Christian who went through a divorce. In 1993 my wife left me and my 2 kids. It was incredibly horrible - I still refer to 1993 as "the year from hell". Yes, I do think divorce is a sin. So is lying, stealing, gossiping, murder, adultery and cheating on your taxes. And I believe that all of these sins, including divorce, can be forgiven. Yes, God did say that He hates divorce (you can look that one up in Malachi 2:16 if you're so inclined) and I understand that - I hate divorce as well. But I also believe that God hates other things too. And I believe that sometimes He may hate an unloving and emotionally abusive marriage more than divorce. Especially when it effects the kids or physical abuse.
There was a time in my life when I would not even consider divorce as an option - for myself or anyone else. But life has a way of slapping us in the face with reality, causing us to give up preconceptions and legalisms. And God is big enough to love us in spite of our mistakes, or in spite of the effect that the mistakes of others have on us. So these days I don't obsess so much about divorce - mine or anyone else's. I think divorce is sad, destructive and painful, and I think it is usually best if a couple can work out their differences, or at least, as Bruce Springsteen puts it, "learn to live with what you can't rise above". But sometimes in this life, or even many times, we don't get to choose between a right decision and a wrong decision - sometimes our options only allow us to choose the lesser evil, and trust that God can forgive us anyway.
All of us have a heartache, all of us have been stained
www.nonaverage.net/insomanywords/
Comments can only be left at the new location.
----------------------------------------------------
Tonight as Emily and I were picking up a half-baked-chicken/half-combination take-and-bake pizza for our romantic Valentine's Day dinner, our conversation turned into a discussion about a friend who used to attend our church a few years ago. She was in a marriage that really was just a shell, an appearance of a happy Christian married couple that was nothing more than that. She knew something was wrong with the marriage and even tried to get help from our pastors, but her husband didn't seem to see the need to really work at getting their relationship right and she didn't seem to be able or ready to end the marriage, so they just continued with the facade, partly for the benefit of their 20ish daughter and teen aged son. Recently we heard that the husband - late 40s - had moved out and is living with a 20-something girl who is a friend of the daughter. And our friend had gotten together with a guy we all know who has just come though a divorce. Because we know this divorced guy, I am concerned about her - she's a smart and funny lady and I've always enjoyed her company, but it seems to me that with this new relationship she has "gone from the frying pan into the fire". I also commented to Emily that our friend should have divorced her husband a while ago, back during the time when it became apparent that he wasn't going to work to save his marriage.
"Wait a minute", you say. "Aren't you a Christian? Don't you think divorce is a sin? Doesn't God hate divorce? If there was no adultery how can you tell someone that they should divorce?" Yes, I am a Christian. In fact, I am a Christian who went through a divorce. In 1993 my wife left me and my 2 kids. It was incredibly horrible - I still refer to 1993 as "the year from hell". Yes, I do think divorce is a sin. So is lying, stealing, gossiping, murder, adultery and cheating on your taxes. And I believe that all of these sins, including divorce, can be forgiven. Yes, God did say that He hates divorce (you can look that one up in Malachi 2:16 if you're so inclined) and I understand that - I hate divorce as well. But I also believe that God hates other things too. And I believe that sometimes He may hate an unloving and emotionally abusive marriage more than divorce. Especially when it effects the kids or physical abuse.
There was a time in my life when I would not even consider divorce as an option - for myself or anyone else. But life has a way of slapping us in the face with reality, causing us to give up preconceptions and legalisms. And God is big enough to love us in spite of our mistakes, or in spite of the effect that the mistakes of others have on us. So these days I don't obsess so much about divorce - mine or anyone else's. I think divorce is sad, destructive and painful, and I think it is usually best if a couple can work out their differences, or at least, as Bruce Springsteen puts it, "learn to live with what you can't rise above". But sometimes in this life, or even many times, we don't get to choose between a right decision and a wrong decision - sometimes our options only allow us to choose the lesser evil, and trust that God can forgive us anyway.
All of us have a heartache, all of us have been stained
Labels: divorce
posted by Ruben at
9:02 AM
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